Ashksymphony's Weblog

It is another of those days when i think of u. In fact, i can’t stop thinking about you. It just happens. You crawl into every imagination of mine.Every thought i have has a connection to you,it leads to you.

And you know what, when this happens, i feel alive.because this is the only time when i have me enclosed in your boundaries, in the boundaries of your thoughts. I tried to search you, today, again.Fruitless attempts. But then i knew it. every keyword that i could think of that might lead me to you. Any little trace, any little hint. I dun want to be the pain in your ass. I’ll just watch, i’ll just be there. I wont say a word, i’ll just stay.I’ll just stay…

Can i ask you, my love,
what would you do,
if we meet someday,
on the road, somehow…

Would you hug me tight,
or would you say goodbye…
I wanna know tonight,
Would you greet me like a friend,
Or would you treat me like your ex,
I wanna know tonight…

I’ve thought about it, each day
Ever since, we walked away…
Would the heavens rain
on the day, we meet again…

Where would we meet,
what time, what day…
What emotions you will hide,
what feelings would you show…
If i ask you to laugh
would you grant me
the pleasure of your smile, that day
tell me, or would you turn away…

What if,you have a friend with you,
What if,he’s more than a friend to you…

How would you introduce
or won’t you recognise me…
would you curse your devil,
call me names
or would you let me capture
the silence in your angelic face…

What music, what rythm
would your heart wish for…
would you hear the sounds
of the breeze, that day
just like i do, each day
hoping against hope,
to listen to your voice, someday…

If i wish you happiness in life,
would you say, it kills
to see you care for me…
Or would you wish me laughs, again…

Would you remind me of my sins,
or would you hold my hand
and say, be friends again
Or would you say nothing,
But grant my last wish,
Tell me!!Oh please…..

ASHK

Today, I have lost…I’ve been defeated…The biggest realisation of my life have i had today…that I can’t love…no I can’t…..I can’t keep no mate happy..It’s a fact that hurts.Perfection in my love was what i always believed in. Never knew, i was not perfect.Far fetched dream. I was nowhere near.

I was never a support, just a liability. I couldn’t do,what i wanted in return. I now realize how mean was i, how selfish. I now know where i lie. There is no world that exists within me now. I have no soul left to cry. I’m dead and yet I’m alive. The greatest pessimist whom even his angel could not endure.It hurts to know the real face of me. How true were u Ashk it’s a devil in an angelic face….

I curse no one, but me. I have reached the stage where i hate the soul that within me lies. I’ve hurt a lot of people and now i have to suffer, all alone this time. I never knew i could not love, no one. I never knew i was so weak. I was so meek, I was a loser….Yet i have to smile,I’ve promised my guarding angel i would not die…..

Je Vouis Aime Till Morte…..

Is it my fault,
or is it theirs;
are they my culprit,
or the culprit am i;
friendship is above love;
did they not understand,
or couldn’t i…

My fate, you played
such games with me
left me alone;
accept,though i,
no regrets within me lie…

An angel,free to fly,
I thought,was i;
no cage, i saw,
no boundaries;
how was i supposed
to know,
nothing material
to curb my thoughts,
this world,
was my limit….

Broke,am i;
yet, i do smile
no right do my culprits,
have to know
what changed within me,
what believes they killed….

He says, I will survive,
I will smile;
my beliefs would rise,
like a phoenix,
my world would be mine;
i trust him not;
he knows not,
I’m charred within….

My inner me speaks,
wish he could be right;
wish this pain
would subside
I wish to move on,
Wish me luck,
hold my hand,
may i not fall,
this time….

-Ashk

I fight a stranger,
There’s an i within me,
whom i don’t know…
Never met him,
but he’s there…

Silent,queer,
like a drop of dew,
Nascent…
Reflection of me
that doesn’t resemble me,
is the stranger whom i fight…

The stranger sings
songs of life,
The picture of sunrise
can his eyes paint,
even through
the darkest of nights…

The optimist within me
dares to dream,
innocent his thoughts,
The stranger within me…..

The stranger fears no foe,
but friends…
Silence his only weakness,
Loneliness his only strength…

His only companion is time,
the force he fears
beyond thee and life….
An unread book
is the stranger within me…..

How i see him??
I don’t!
He’s a feeling,
an emotion,
a solitary soul….
Only mistake he cries for,
is the love that was true,
Killed,
for reasons he hides….

I know not much of this stranger
whom i fight….
Yet i know so much,
to know that he’s alive….

The stranger i fight,
is no stranger at all
The stranger is “I”….

Ashk